KARZZZZ: A Review

Where do I begin?? I have deliberately left out the word movie from the title. KARZZZZ cannot be termed as a movie in any universe. It SUCKS! Don’t be mistaken. Aap Ka Suroor also sucked…it sucked really bad. But there was a different level of sucking which is further lowered by KARZZZZ. The additional Zs just add the ‘ZZZ’ dozing effect to the movie. After watching ‘this’ anyone will feel that Indian Cinema has not grown at all in 3 decades. Ghai’s Karz was one of the most acclaimed movies of its time because it was suitable for mentality of people in 70’s. This KARZZZZ however is a step in the downward direction. It makes me wonder how can a director screw up a rip off so badly? the story is right in front of you…dialogs are there…you just add songs and thats it. This would have been better than the current attempt at a so called ‘tribute’ to the original Karz. The only 2 twists added by Satish Kaushik should have been included in the bloopers video at the end of the movie.

The story, though basically same, somehow becomes pointless after a while. The acting, direction and unnecessary songs make it a complete boring affair. Additional characters like one by Asarani, raj babbar are useless. Danny’s role is completely redundant. They just add to the already existing confusion. The 25-year-later scenes show all the old characters almost the way they were 25-years-before. Maybe someone invented an anti-aging potion in between.

Now Himesh! He also knows he cannot act. He admits that publicly. Dude, then don’t act! I am tempted to say don’t sing also, but after watching KARZZZZ my priorities have changed. We first need to take him off the screen and then shut him up. He should have been the last choice (even after Rajpal Yadav or Raju Shrivastav) for Monty’s role. Steve Bucknor is more expressive than him. I really don’t understand why anyone would be so desperate to make a movie to cast Himesh. There are lot of other ‘faltu’ actors out there. Even Dino’s role as Ravi Varma is better!

If Himesh thinks that the little above flop performance of his 2 films makes him a noticable actor, he is wrong. I have seen both the films with the groups which had the sole intention of ridiculing Himesh. Aap Ka Suroor was released when he was supposedly at the peak of popularity. But we were surprised to see quite a few ‘lukkha’ public like us at the theatre. The performance of movies is attributed considerably to Himesh haters as well. So let me tell Himesh one thing…you are making a fool of yourself by acting. If you think that people really like your acting, then you are an ignorant idiot. As long as you are acting, people like me WILL go to theatres and make fun of you. So good luck!

Urmila desperately needs to get married. She WAS a very talented actress. But she is completely lost now. She lacks the grace of Simi Garewal in every aspect of Kaamini’s role. Totally confused. The newbie Shweta Kumar, well… when you have Himesh as datum line, any third class actor looks good. But she is very dull, has irritating voice, scary smile and annoying gestures. Before continuing acting, she should seriously consider professional career counseling.

My view could have been entirely biased given that I hate Himesh. But as a movie also KARZZZZ could not be regarded even as an averege effort. Taran Aadarsh and few others have given 4 star rating to the movie. He is either extra-terrestrial and has some different definition of ‘GOOD’, has been bribed for good review or he is ‘Bi-Curious‘…and ‘confused’ about Himesh. Even an unbiased viewer should know that this movie is worthless.

My quest for KARZZZ

Not the loan wala Karz. This KARZZZ refers to the one *ing HameS bhai ReSamiya. As I had nothing better to do on a perfectly quiet Saturday morning, I planned to ruin it by watching KARZZZ. I found 4 other living people with the same intention (hard to believe isn’t it!!) Opened Pune Times and found out 3 theatres. I was not surprised to see that City Pride Kothrud was not showing it.  Good for them. So we went to E-Square. After standing in line for 10 min I approached the ticket counter, when I asked for 5 tickets to KARZZZ, the ticket lady looked surprised. I thought we must be the only people to actually consider watching this movie. But that was not it. She informed me that due to  its mindblowing performance in the first week,  KARZZZ has been pulled out. RIP!

Damn! I was so ready to ruin my day and now I was left with the option of wasting my 10 Rs. parking ticket or watching Roadside Romeo. Of course I chose the 2nd one as the 1st 1 would have meant only a 80Rs parking ticket for my rear. No compromise on KARZZZ. The next option was Rahul. But the amazing performace is not limited to only 1 theatre. Rahul was peacefully displaying Wednesday at that time. Next up…Mangala. It had a show…WOW! I was moved by the dedication of the owners but sadly the show was at 10-45 pm. After this much of evidence, you don’t need any Taran Adarsh or Times Rating to tell you that KARZZZ is officially a flop. And now I feel really really bad that I was not able to see it in time. I remember the sensation when I saw AAP KA SUROOR with 8 friends, and the sincere Himesh fans almost threw us out of the theatre. I had thought of so much to do this time, but now I won’t be able to do that! Thats it…I am not taking any risk henceforth. I am watching all HimeS *ers first day first show from now on. Thats the only way!  

(P.S.- Please do not read any reviews by Taran Adarsh…the guy gave a 2* rating to DCH!!)

A sad race in Shanghai

The most uneventful race after Valencia. Apart from Hekki Kovalainen’s tyre failure leading to damage and retirement, it was a very ordinary race. A few overtakings but nothing exciting. Hamilton finished the fastest followed by the two Ferraris in reversed order. Following the unstated team orders, Kimi let Massa through to help his c’ship challenge. No need to raise eyebrows, it was perfectly legal. The same thing as we saw in Hockenheim with Mclaren. Results

It all comes down to Interlagos in Brazil 2 weeks later. Curiously enough, Massa is now 7 points behind Hamilton, the exact same situation Kimi was in this time last year. Ferrari would hope for the same miracle 2nd year in a row.

With both the drivers on podium, Ferrari look good for constructors’ c’ship this year. They lead by 11 points. Unless they show some extraordinary skills of screwing up like in mid season races, I think they are safe.

Now about a SOB called Fernando Alonso. Read this first of all. He had to flap his big mouth and again had to show why I call him SOB. Throughout the earlier part of the race, he was putting pressure on Massa. No hard feelings had he not spoken before. But you know what they say…. Never try to overtake a F2008 in a R28 when Massa is not pulling a ‘MASSA’

Kubica finished 6th today and is now officially out of the championship race. Its between the Brit and the Brazilian in the homeland of the later. We can expect another sensational season finale this time.

Accusations and Speculations

This week, leading to the Shanghai Grand Prix has been a wild one. As the championship title contenders leave no stone unturned to win sunday’s race, a lot has been happening ‘off-the-track’ as well. The round begins with ‘Former World Champ’ Fernando Alonso. In a weird turn of events, Alonso openly admitted that he will support Massa or Kubica to win championship over former team-mate (rival?) Lewis Hamilton. Was it really necessary? I mean the last thing Lewis needs at this moment is another controversy. Like a good boy, Lewis kept mum and showed his pace during qualifying, sealing the pole position. Alonso probably setting up the field for probable move from Renault to BMW or Ferrari in coming seasons. A lame act of damage control for being a jerk in the past and a desperate attempt of revenge!

Next in line was his boss. Briatore claimed that just like last year, Lewis will lose his lead in last 2 races and give away championship to Massa. He just likes to flap his mouth a lot. Words just come out. No need to pay attention.

Last was dear old Massa. Lewis has been under fire from colleagues for being over-aggressive. No man with a bit of sense of F1 would deny that. But Massa is also feeling the heat. So he came to Lewis’s rescue! The way Massa drove in Japan could easily be compared to a rickshaw driver in Pune. Both of them need to calm down. Otherwise it will be season 2007 all over again. Kubica could be this years Kimi!

Alonso makes it 2 in a row

And yet another disastrous race in F1. Alonso wins yet again, Renault look confident for the next season. Piquet also scored 5 points.

What looked like a normal grid, turned upside down as both the Ferraris were pushed back and Mclarens suffered heavily. Kovalainen failed to complete the race and Massa and Hamilton were penalized for their over-aggressiveness. But the aggression did not wear off. Massa managed to squeeze out 1 c’ship point. Though Kimi ended his point scoring draught, he is now officially out of race for championship.

Hamilton and Massa are getting really fierce. The remaining races will be amazing.

Singapore Nightmare

Ferrari has got real talent…to screw up. They are developing partial amnesia. Past experiences are forgotten. WHY PUT BOTH THE CARS IN PIT-LANE AT THE SAME TIME?? Why again? Even during safety car period..why? Kimi suffered due to yet another rig failure on Massa’s car this time. And finally…when he could have scored some consolation points..he drives his car into the barrier. 4th race without points.

Worst race ever!

Alonso won 😦 .. Hamilton scored 6 pts… and both Ferraris screw up.

Nightmare!

Night Riders zoom in Singapore

Amazing!

Too good!

Singapore is awesome!

The atmosphere was electrifying!

Ferraris look damn good under floodlights!

Massa on top in qual!

More and more races on the way to become night races…like Japan!

Indian GP postponed to 2011..reason…infrastructure!

Hamilton loses hearing….so does F1

Another ‘what the hell?’ moment of the week.. The farce that this hearing turned out to be, thanks to the stupidest decision in the history of Formula-1, highlights the flawed structure of FIA. After a grueling 5 and half hrs of session, FIA panel has ruled that the appeal itself is invalid! Yeah! 6 hrs wasted straight away. It will be good for the season, making it more interesting….but that is not even the point. The point is FIA has insulted Mclaren and each and every Formula-1 fan by keeping us waiting for 2 weeks to give this lame decision which could have been given right away after the race. This wastage of time and energy is a madness!

Another reason for this is another case fought on the same line as mentioned in this ESPN-Star report involving Vitantonio Liuzzi and Adrian Sutil. This highlights the paradox!

Vettel enters Formula-1 hall of fame

After a flawless 306 km drive through Monza, Subastian Vettel became the youngest F-1 driver to win a race. 1st win for Team Toro Rosso. And we got to see another amazing race thanks to wet conditions. Results

The race started under safety car due to wet conditions; bit disappointing. Starting from the back, Kubica and Hamilton could advance comfortably through the track, but Kimi struggled to overtake drivers like Nakajima. It was a sad scene. Massa proved that he is a good wet weather driver by not screwing up. Thats good enough I guess. Almost all the cars followed the same pattern and used extreme wet weather tires for 2/3rd race and then switched to intermediates.

Every driver looked alert about illegal overtakings and conceded their places like good boys. Coulthard was involved in 2 accidents today- Nakajima and Fisichella….crushing the hearts of over a billion people. Fisi looked good in the initial stages. He held back Kimi and Hamilton for 7 laps.

Overall a good race. Lots of overtakings, lots of excitement. Massa went a point closer to Lewis. This is going to be an awesome season.

Now its the big day. 28th Sept… Countdown to Singapore begins… Hold your breath, its coming!

Idiocracy-seems possible!

I recently saw a very low budget movie with a mediocre starcast- Idiocracy. I only knew Luke wilson and had a feeling that I have seen couple of other guys. But all that was immaterial in comparison with its amazing story. The theme itself is a very common Sci-Fi concept…Human Hibernation. Only here, it goes terribly wrong and the guy, Joe Bauer wakes up in the yr 2506 (Just like Eric Cartman in South Park, or is it the other way round?).

What the movie suggests is that instead of becoming wiser, the world starts dummying down exponentially. The process of natural selection only favors the ones with high reproductive power irrespective of IQ. In fact, it favors the dumb ones. So our hero wakes up in a world where he is the smartest guy in the world. People have become unbelievably lazy and stupid. Their philosophies are completely changed. They consider water to be only a toilet utility! Everybody drinks Brawndo-the thirst mutilator only. Their president is 5 times Ultimate Smack-Down champion. The movie goes on about Joe’s struggle to survive there initially and how he helps them later.

The reason for writing this post is because certain incidents in the recent past have started to exhibit this much feared trend of increased stupidity. With the announcement of initialization of Hadron Collider Big Bang experiment, the reactions of people were as stupid as of the future people in Idiocracy. Some theories are listed by Avnish here

Indian News channels have almost reached that level now. Its evident from the topics they handle and the way they handle them. We may also be on a downward slope. So watch out! Time may come when your grandsons will be voting for ‘The Great Khali‘ to become PM of India!