Tashan of Fashion

After two days of desperate attempt, I have came to a conclusion that I cannot digest ‘KARZZZZ’ and needed an antidote. Had two options:Golmaal-2 or Fashion. Like me, my friends were still in shock from KARZZZZ and were not in a mood for another two star rated film. So we went to see fashion. But that lead to a headache. Shantanu tells what he or me or anyone from ‘aam junta’ would feel about the movie. All the points except the last 1 (I would never even dream of watching it twice, I dont know why he did!) work for me. Too many fashion shows each featuring 5-10 ‘GAY’wads (1 even had Karan Johar!) is just too much for me.

Fashion is not what you expect from a Madhur Bhandarkar movie. Totally lost. Kangana Ranaut was the best among gals, followed by Mugdha Godse. Priyanka doesn’t have what it takes to be a show-stopper. She is dull and i don’t know how to put this delicately, FAT. This is only within the context of Fashion. In any other movie that would have worked, but not here. She looks much slimmer in trailers of Dostana. She is still my favorite actress. But lately, she has been giving out so many ‘unwatchables’ (read- Chamku and Drona), that I just had to see this one. But again, I was thoroughly disappointed.

My favourite moments from KARZZZZ

A lot of them..

1. Himesh’s entry. He is supposedly a rock star. He is performing some random hindi song in Cape Town and there is not a single Indian to be found in audience. When he starts singing, foreign chicks start fainting one by one. Just like Michael Jackson performing in Mumbai. But Himesh? Come on now, we know better! Probably the chicks could not take his piercing noise anymore! Same chicks follow him everywhere and crowd him for autographs whenever script demands. Lame!
2. Danny has an annoying habit of quoting lines from famous movies, followed by actor, year and whether it was hit or flop. He mentions some random line from Aap Ka Suroor and says ‘Aap Ka Suroor- 2007- Himesh Reshammiya- Superhit!’. Oh my god!
3. Shweta Kumar is in Cape Town for a college assignment. She is doing some catering job. Of course, Himesh is there. He sings a song for her. He likes her, she likes him, but sadly she has to return home, in Kenya, the next morning. Now she is singing the same song in front of her friends. She forgets 1 line and guess who completes it for her. Only this time, Himesh is sitting on the edge of seat of his helicopter and singing it from above! What an idea, SIRji! Completely oblivious to helicopter rotor sound, they compete the song and then the rotor noise appears in the background during dialogs! How convenient!
4. Song KARZZZZ sung by Himesh for Urmila. Remembering the song, Urmila goes insane. Starts acting weird and flinching. Worst acting ever!
5. Gulshan Grover is apparently unable to talk and uses a sound pad attached to his left hand to communicate. Stephen Hawking! Only difference, instead of words, musical notes come out. His annoying weirdo ‘chamcha ‘ provides interpretation for that. Reminds me of Chewbacca and Han Solo!
6. Climax! Could actually pose competition for legendary climax of Gunda! Himesh’s fight scenes are hilarious. And the fight scene is initiated by none other than Raj Babbar, who dives from 2nd floor in the middle of 20 people. Damn! Too beautiful!
7. Himesh driving a car and Urmila chasing him in an aircraft. The damsel takes out a gun and shoots his tyres exactly in 1 attempt. Urmila Matondkar should be the official coach of Indian Shooting team for Olympics here onwards. She has potential to create many ‘Bindra’s with here talent!
8. In the same scene Himesh’s car finally topples and he is standing in the middle of nowhere and is challenging Urmila to shoot him. With her amazing skills she does that…3 times. 2 times on the legs and once brushing tip of a hand. In the rest scene, Himesh is limping with 1 leg, other leg and hand intact…amazing healing skills…like Wolverine!

My Review

KARZZZZ: A Review

Where do I begin?? I have deliberately left out the word movie from the title. KARZZZZ cannot be termed as a movie in any universe. It SUCKS! Don’t be mistaken. Aap Ka Suroor also sucked…it sucked really bad. But there was a different level of sucking which is further lowered by KARZZZZ. The additional Zs just add the ‘ZZZ’ dozing effect to the movie. After watching ‘this’ anyone will feel that Indian Cinema has not grown at all in 3 decades. Ghai’s Karz was one of the most acclaimed movies of its time because it was suitable for mentality of people in 70’s. This KARZZZZ however is a step in the downward direction. It makes me wonder how can a director screw up a rip off so badly? the story is right in front of you…dialogs are there…you just add songs and thats it. This would have been better than the current attempt at a so called ‘tribute’ to the original Karz. The only 2 twists added by Satish Kaushik should have been included in the bloopers video at the end of the movie.

The story, though basically same, somehow becomes pointless after a while. The acting, direction and unnecessary songs make it a complete boring affair. Additional characters like one by Asarani, raj babbar are useless. Danny’s role is completely redundant. They just add to the already existing confusion. The 25-year-later scenes show all the old characters almost the way they were 25-years-before. Maybe someone invented an anti-aging potion in between.

Now Himesh! He also knows he cannot act. He admits that publicly. Dude, then don’t act! I am tempted to say don’t sing also, but after watching KARZZZZ my priorities have changed. We first need to take him off the screen and then shut him up. He should have been the last choice (even after Rajpal Yadav or Raju Shrivastav) for Monty’s role. Steve Bucknor is more expressive than him. I really don’t understand why anyone would be so desperate to make a movie to cast Himesh. There are lot of other ‘faltu’ actors out there. Even Dino’s role as Ravi Varma is better!

If Himesh thinks that the little above flop performance of his 2 films makes him a noticable actor, he is wrong. I have seen both the films with the groups which had the sole intention of ridiculing Himesh. Aap Ka Suroor was released when he was supposedly at the peak of popularity. But we were surprised to see quite a few ‘lukkha’ public like us at the theatre. The performance of movies is attributed considerably to Himesh haters as well. So let me tell Himesh one thing…you are making a fool of yourself by acting. If you think that people really like your acting, then you are an ignorant idiot. As long as you are acting, people like me WILL go to theatres and make fun of you. So good luck!

Urmila desperately needs to get married. She WAS a very talented actress. But she is completely lost now. She lacks the grace of Simi Garewal in every aspect of Kaamini’s role. Totally confused. The newbie Shweta Kumar, well… when you have Himesh as datum line, any third class actor looks good. But she is very dull, has irritating voice, scary smile and annoying gestures. Before continuing acting, she should seriously consider professional career counseling.

My view could have been entirely biased given that I hate Himesh. But as a movie also KARZZZZ could not be regarded even as an averege effort. Taran Aadarsh and few others have given 4 star rating to the movie. He is either extra-terrestrial and has some different definition of ‘GOOD’, has been bribed for good review or he is ‘Bi-Curious‘…and ‘confused’ about Himesh. Even an unbiased viewer should know that this movie is worthless.

‘Race’ before ‘Raceday’-Movie review

Before todays big raceday in Sepang, I went to see another race in CityPride. But I waited to check out Sunday Times review to write this post. I was shocked to find out that Race had been awarded 3 and 1/2 stars. Times rating is getting more and more ridiculous. I remember Dhol getting 4 stars, another shocker.

Movie- Race

Directors- Abbas-Mustan 

Star Cast- Saif Ali Khan, Katrina Kaif, Akshay Khanna, Bipasha Basu, Anil Kapoor, Sameera Reddy 

Race is a typical Abbas-Mustan flick, only the script is totally confused. Movie has more twists and turns than a spaghetti. People change their sides and loyalties just like that! Most of the characters are childishly boastful. First half is very slow and has only 10% of the total twists, so naturally second half becomes very action packed.

For complete review check out Indiatimes Review

Now some finer details. Most of them are spoilers, so those who intend to see the film, pls read this after you have seen Race. If you have no intention of watching it in near future…go ahead.

The songs are just….too many. Not a single one fits in the flow (Reminds me of ‘Nehle pe dehla’). The lyrics are contributed by the great Sameer. So its pointless to find out what they mean. eg. just look at this song and his lack of imagination-

“Bin Tere Sanam Is Jahan Mein
Beqaraar Hum Dum Da Dum Da Dum
Bin Tere Sanam Is Jahan Mein
Beqraar Hum”

What is Dum Da Dum Da Dum??? Absolutely stupid!

Choreography is very mismatched with the costumes and height of the actor who is doing those steps. This is highlighted in case of Katrina. Only good background score and music by Pritam makes songs bearable.

Action scenes are very childish. The jump scenes are really pathetic. I mean you can actually make out that the hero is hanging from a rope. Not expected from an action film!

Akshay, Saif, Bipasha have done a decent job. Cant expect acting from Katrina, but she is improving. Anil Kapoor and Sameera Reddy appear only after interval. But they have utilised the remaining time very effectively to irritate you to the maximum extent. Sammera Reddy’s dialogues make you bang ur head on the wall. The shady level of dialogues obtain a new negative height with Anil Kapoor. Some of the jokes were good, but some were really obnoxious. He is shown eating a different fruit in every scene. So, by my count, the fruits were- Apple, Banana, Orange, Pomegranate, Sugarcane(??), Coconut, Water-melon, Strawberry, Raspberry, Grapes, walnut, and finally a fruit dish.

Atleast 25% of the movie is irrelevant to the main story. The whole character of Dalip Tahil is unnecessary. The scene just shows how brutal these brothers can get. Johny Lever has a cameo, but he makes sure that you remember him after the movie as well.

Coming back to the story, Saif’s death scene is ok. But again the director duo has tried too hard to make it look very exciting but ends up being unbelievable.(Again, the same old trick of suicide from terrace is used. Interestingly, here also the victim hits the glass first and then the ground, just like Shilpa shetty of Bazigar. But this trick has a special significance in Race)

An interesting observation. In the song ‘Race….’ Saif is dancing in front of a wall. And the background animation on the wall is the one which you see in Windows Media Player when you play an audio file!

Now some “Readers Don’t Digest” moments-

1) A math problem. Akshay Khanna gives 25 million to Anil Kapoor for his help, out of the 100 million received from Saif’s Insurance. So he is left with 75 million. But as it turns out, Saif is not dead after all. Finally, Saif is shown driving away with Akshay’s remainder of cash + 100 million from Akshay’s Insurance. But both Anil and Saif claim that there is still 200 million cash in Saif’s bag and Saif gives additional 100 million to Anil. What happened to the first 25 million?

2) In the final race, Akshay gives Saif a car that has brakes missing. Saif claims that Akshay’s car has a bomb that will be triggered if the speed goes down 100kmph (Remember ‘Speed’!). So neither can stop! Wait a second….you cant stop if you dont have brakes huh. Ever heard of a term called friction? Just turn off the engine and steer the car till it stops man! But instead Saif continues to race in full throttle. You are brave but you are also very stupid!

My rating- **1/2

Go to see it only if you are a die-hard fan of any of the cast, as each one receives a decent amount of screen footage. If you can cope up with useless songs, terrible action scenes and no need of explanation for some very basic questions like why and how, this movie is just made for you!

(PS- I loved this movie. I like such dumb baseless movies with low budget action and stupid characters. My rating mentioned above is for common people, not for people like me. I thought this was a terrific movie and I am definitely going to watch it again.)

Marathi newspapers

Today I was reading ‘Sakal’. And I came across a strange term…. Hollywood actress Paris Hilton!!!! What was that?? According to them you become an actor in hollywood just by doing a bunch of films. Do you remember any english paper calling Paris Hilton an actress? She is invariably addressed as spoilt hotel heiress. And thats what is true. She is not an actress. I dont think anybody will disagree with that.

There is an equivalent of ‘Aaj Tak’ in marathi news world…’Pudhari’ (Which means Leader). They find people who claim that their dog has spirit of Raj Kapoor. Some guy from local medical college claims that smoking is cannot be a reason for cancer, and they print it.

According to their reviews about Lord of the rings: The return of the King, ‘This movie has no story. The characters are not introduced properly. Why this guy Frodo wants to distroy the ring is not properly mentioned.Which two sides are at war is not clear. Overall movie is baseless and very confusing.’ Oh great, dont bother to see first two movies, and you are writing about a movie which went on to win 11 Academy awards! Good! Real entertainment!